Before Solomon and I got married (July 2013), we looked forward to the many firsts we would experience together: first graduation, first home, first vacation. Yet, we actually looked forward to the day to day, mundane activities of life more, as we knew that one day we would be sharing those together. We looked forward to when we could say “goodnight” rather than “goodbye,” to when we could wake up together and drink coffee, to when we could grocery shop and cook dinner together. We looked forward to when we would never be alone.
We’ve now been married for 1 year & 10 mos., and it just gets sweeter. Solomon builds a shelf in the garage as I sit outside and read. I wake before him and start cooking bacon and eggs; they get done just in time for a shared breakfast in bed. He finally has a free morning so I delay work and cut his hair, our Siamese sleeping in the corner of the room. We sit on the couch and discuss budgeting, openly, freely, working through goals and differences of opinion. We marathon grocery shop together, him riding on the cart like a kid as I ask what meals we should make that week.
We’ve now been together for 5 years, but it feels like longer. We go to the mall and take pictures in the same photo booth we used back then, when I was a fresh-out-of-high school 19 year old, when our dating relationship was all but forbidden, holy, passionate, but never rushed. I was into wearing short beaded necklaces, and his hair was long because I liked it that way. I was insecure, serious, and about to start college; he was older and famous for stating that he wanted a family someday. We were highly compatible despite our incompatible backgrounds and we clung to one another fiercely and decided to never let go.
In the small amount of time that I have been married, I have learned this: a healthy marriage is a true, true partnership. My philosophy/ ethics professor emphasized this. He said to put it simply, marriage is about marital friendship and the bearing and raising of children (family) and that sex is for those reasons. Ultimately, marriage in its sacredness sanctifies us and makes us holy. It is the earthly representation of Christ’s love for the church (His bride) .
I didn’t mean to get all lofty there, but I truly believe that that is what happens in the everyday aspects of a healthy marriage, in both the mundane and monumental activities. Marriage is not to be taken lightly. Solomon and I both hold the belief that dedication to our marriage and family is our true calling, and everything else is secondary. So, in others words if, at the end of our lives we fail at loving our family, we fail in our calling as believers. “Love one another, as Christ loved the church.”
Penning those words humbles me. How many times have I failed in my love for Solomon, snapped at him until he cried, selfishly decided to follow my own aim without considering how it might affect him, or took a bad day out on him? Unfortunately, too many times to count. But the beauty of marriage is that it is enduring. I repent to both the Lord and to my husband and receive their love and forgiveness. Jesus always has it, Solomon and I of course make mistakes at this process again and again. But we ultimately choose to love. We choose the love that covers over a multitude of sins. We choose the One who makes our love for one another greater than any hurt or misunderstanding that might threaten to divide us.
I recently found a document full of texts I had saved from that first year of our dating relationship, texts full of romanic notions and dreams of the future – the future we are living now. It took us 6 months of intentionally wait to date, 2 years of dating to get engaged, and one year of engagement to finally share in that union of marriage. It was worth every single day of waiting, every heartache, and everything else we walked through to get to that point. But now–as Solomon said when I showed him the texts–we have to live those promises out. We do so with the union of the One who makes us whole, for we know, “a cord of three strands is not easily broken.”
Happy 5 years, love of my life!