I had a bit of a breakdown in church recently.
Suddenly life had started to feel especially hard and overwhelming, and I had no words for the heaviness over my heart. The last projects at the house started to feel the hardest. I started to react to my husband in anger, nitpicking the smallest decisions like spacers for floor tile. I even began to resent our house itself, missing our last 2 rentals and longing for what no longer was.
My pastor shared the passage where John the Baptist sent word to Jesus in prison asking him if He was the one. Jesus responded by telling him to look at what He was doing, and to not take offense at him. John the Baptist had seen the signs with his own eyes and proclaimed the coming Lord, but in prison perhaps had doubts because his personal expectations of who Jesus was and what he would do were not met.
My personal expectations have certainly been shook up over the past year. When I got sick last August, I never expected that it would take over 6-8 months before I felt like some semblance of myself again. I never expected that 4 mos. after moving we would have to move again, and I never expected to quit my job(s). I never expected the house that we bought to have the extent of (pet) damage that it did. and on.
I’ve been challenged in more ways than I thought were possible. I didn’t realize that I was becoming bitter and numb as a reaction. When you put a bulwark up against your heart, it can become a barrier to healing. Instead of being able to count the ways the Lord has been moving & the ways I have been blessed and cared for during this year, I’ve been fixated on my unmet expectations and I’ve been dangerously close to taking offense.
As I said in this instagram post, I’ve been praying (we’ve been praying), “Lord, it seems like this _______, but show us where You are.”
Jesus told John the Baptist to look and see – the blind are seeing. the lame are walking. the lepers are healed, the deaf are hearing, the dead are raised…..
don’t miss it.