You are the Wife your Husband Needs

You are the wife your husband needs.

That phrase popped into my head the other day and hasn’t left. You’ve probably heard it said this way- you are the mother your child(ren) needs. But what about when it comes to just being a wife, to living and loving and serving another person daily?

You are the wife your husband needs.

There was a time in my (recent) life in which I was working less for a purposeful reason and I somehow got it into my head that I had to become a perfect housewife to make up for the difference, that I had to clean everything spotlessly and make perfectly healthy paleo lemon poppy muffins and pack my husband’s lunch and have dinner on the table exactly when he got home and whatever else I thought up. Just typing that is anxiety-inducing. Thank God my husband pulled my aside and told me that he wasn’t putting that on me.

I read recently a passage in a ‘Stone for a Pillow’ by Madeleine L’ Engle that I think illustrates this well. She says, 

I learned that if I tried to be good, that is, if I tried to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, all I did was become exhausted and ill and humorless and help nobody. If I spent the morning at the typewriter; if, in the late afternoon before I cooked dinner, I went off with the dogs for a walk, the entire household was happier, and there was more laughter and song. I learned that if I was what I had considered selfish, that is, if I took reasonable care of my own needs, we had a smoothly running household.

We as women need to be set free from the notion that in order to be a godly wife, we have to attain domestic perfection. While I am obviously someone who takes my role in the home very seriously, we have to accept our own unique skill set and fall in love with the very characteristics that our husbands adore in us.

You are the wife that your husband needs.

I encourage you, that if you resonate with even a bit of this, to make a mental or physical list of those characteristics about you that are uniquely yours and exactly what your husband needs. Here’s a couple of mine to get you started. If you can’t think of any, I encourage you to ask your husband.  It might lead to an intimate conversation that builds your self esteem, who knows!

  • I am highly intuitive. I know how to read him often before he even tells me that something is wrong. Additionally, I have a high capacity for empathy.
  • I have many goals that complement his (career, lifestyle) and unique skills to make our dreams happen (ex. creativity, ability to follow through, financial sense).

I am the wife my husband needs.

photo source: jeffrey stroup

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