Let’s talk about money, shall we?
In January, Solomon and I read the Complete Guide to Money by Dave Ramsey. Despite having similar goals, we struggled to be on the same page when it came to practically managing our money. I am hyper analytic in my approach – what Dave Ramsey calls the true “nerd” of the relationship. I have always had a system, even when my system has failed us. My system was great and untouchable and never made a lot of sense to my partner.
I allowed my insecurity about money and my need to be in control dictate how our money was managed. I paid the bills. I cried at unexpected purchases. I didn’t ask for help when I needed it. When Solomon realized the emotional toll handling the finances was taking on me, he asked to take it over. I handed him my big system and when he didn’t follow it to the letter I doubted his wisdom and took back control again, and in his discouragement he let me.
And then I read chapter two of the Complete Guide to Money where Dave says that every marriage has a Nerd and a Free Spirit in regards to money and that it is okay to allow each individual to have their strength. Following his suggestions:
- I draft the budget.
- I present the budget simply in a timely manner. Solomon listens.
- Solomon (free spirit) changes something about budget & makes it ours.
These three principles carry so much weight. We have always had similar goals about how we use our money, but it is no longer a struggle to feel united. I can play to my strength, but the burden of money management is not resting on my shoulders. Solomon understands how the budget is drafted and I respect and allow the items on it to be as much his choice as they are mine. His free spirit keeps my nerd balanced.